Trying this blogging thing again. Maybe I'll stick with it this time. Fair warning: this first entry is a tad depressing, so if you don't want your mood ruined for the evening, you may wanna skip it. Here goes...
It has recently occurred to me that I have just turned 33 1/3 years old. 33 1/3-a record. And what does a record do? It just keeps going around and around in circles until eventually it stops. Sometimes, beautiful music is made along the way, but it's also easy to get stuck into a rut and not go anywhere as well.
Ah, screw it. The metaphor's not working. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not truly satisfied with where my life is at this moment. The ambition and motivation that I possessed when I was younger has been replaced by stagnation and complacency. A toxic brew of anxiety, depression, and rage seems to follow me wherever I go. I refer to it as The Weight (and not just because I'm a big fan of The Band, either). It's getting harder for me to remember a time when I wasn't filled with discouragement and doubt. Some mornings I don't want to get out of bed. I wish my dreams were reality most days. It's harder for me to get out of my rut and easier to fall back on bad habits. Therefore, I have made a decision.
I will pursue my dreams of going to back to school in 2014. It will probably require getting a second job in order to make ends meet, but if that's what it takes, I will do it. I hope to study web design and hopefully make a career out of it. I've taken the easy way out way too often. Things need to change. I've been locked in the same bad groove for the past few years (there's that damn LP metaphor again), and I'm looking to finally make something of myself. I want a life I can be proud of. To quote Johnny Cash, "I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run".*
Sorry this first post is so depressing. My next one will be better. It'll be all about puppies and rainbows, I'm sure.
*Yeah, yeah, I know it's a Soundgarden song. But Cash's version is better and more inspring, in my opinion. So there.
